Don’t Be Despaired By The Dating Scene If You’re Single This Valentines Day…

Here we speak to Dr Gisele Caseiras, a Psychodynamic Psychotherapist and co-founder of Likeminds London and visiting lecturer at The Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation. Dr Gisele Caseiras specialises in relationships and families and offers advice on staying positive this Valentines Day in the search for love!

“I’ve observed and found in my practice that young people are increasingly feeling despondent about dating lately. It won’t come as a surprise to many, that initial connections made through social media have tended to focus on appearances and superficial topics. But people are looking for real connections, where they can be truly seen for who they are, not what they look like or what they are doing at work.

With that in mind and drawing on my extensive clinical experience, I have put together some advice this Valentine’s Day for anyone who is feeling despair about the dating scene:

• Be patient and stay true to yourself. When meeting new people, it’s important to embrace and recognise a certain level of vulnerability. Only share with others, what feels safe to reveal. As you continue to get to know yourself, it will become easier to identify what you want, and what you don’t want, in a relationship.

• Don’t rush and always hold onto hope. Always believe that you will meet that special person. Take the time to really get to know yourself and give yourself what you seek for in a relationship, such as love, care, and compassion. You may be surprised to discover other parts of yourself that have been hidden, fearing some form of judgment or rejection. You’ll find a deeper sense of fulfilment once you can embrace and love yourself for who you are.

• Maintain confidence after rejection. Rejection can be an incredibly painful emotion and can cause significant internal suffering, as well as bringing back memories of past rejections. It’s important to allow yourself time to process these complex emotions, even if they make you feel a little unsettled. During this time, try to take care of yourself and reach out to people in your circle who you know and trust. It’s important to trust this healing process as when people try to skip the process of acknowledging their painful feelings, it often takes longer to cope with the rejection and negatively impacts their confidence and overall well-being. As you begin to heal, maintain an open and curious mindset towards yourself and others. Get to know yourself without judgment and remember the reasons why you love yourself.

• Don’t slip back to the ex! The first step is to understand why the relationship ended in the first place. Gaining this insight can help clarify your reasons for considering reconnecting with an ex. Take some time for reflection; if there is genuine affection in the relationship and the issues that led to the breakup can be resolved, it may be healthy to explore reconnecting. However, if the relationship exhibited signs of controlling or shameful behaviour, it’s important to acknowledge these red flags and process the loss of the idealised relationship.

• Valentines and/or self-love. If you’re single this Valentines Day why not embrace the new trend of celebrating this International Day of Love with your other single girlfriends? Gather together for a ‘bring and share meal’ to connect and enjoy the empowering feeling of true friendship. If your girlfriends aren’t around or have plans, practice self-love and kindness to yourself, by watching your favourite movie, eating your favourite meal or treating yourself to a pamper evening. Remember the path to true love is rarely easy!